Another year is almost over and it will soon be 2014, scary I know! At the start of every year I look back and think this year will be different, but then I sit back and do nothing, and before I know it another birthday has been and I’m thinking ‘I’ve still got ages to change yet, then a new year is suddenly a couple of days away’! Now I have had some struggles with my OCD and depression, but I feel like this could be my year, I have a lot more control over my OCD and moods! This year has been better than previous ones, I have achieved some things such as going to an intensive therapy and fighting OCD, losing weight and even starting this blog! But with me it’s just ‘doing’ everything, getting a job, getting out and about, losing more weight etc I want to do it so bad yet the thought of it all scares me so much and gives me so much anxiety, I just keep putting it off until another year of staying home with no job or social life has gone by!
All of the things I know I need to do scare me so much but I don’t want to waste any more years, I have wasted so many years with a life revolved around OCD, anxiety and depression. Its easier said than done but this has to stop, I don’t think I will ever feel ready to get a job but the longer I put it off the more scary it will be too me.
This year I am determined to not let my problems make me a prison in my own house, I feel like I am able to do all these things I want, but I am my own worst enemy and don’t believe in myself, I can’t see myself working and having a massive social life again, its been so long it seems alien too me. I know what I need to do, it’s just doing it, I remember my parents we’re saying ‘Anna you need to sort yourself out, before you know it another year will be gone and you won’t have done anything’ and I would reply ‘Yeah I will I have ages until another year yet, in my own time I will’ which makes me sound lazy and spoilt ‘in my own time I will’ but it’s not that, I’m just so so scared of stepping outside of this comfort bubble I’ve built around myself and I don’t want to burst it and see what’s outside, but I do at the same time.
Even writing this now and really thinking about the last 3 or 4 years of my life where I’ve really not done a lot, makes me feel so many things, disappointed, nervous, lost, upset, angry etc but at the same time this is how im comfortable and how in a way I like to be now. This year though, 2014, will be my year. I write that with doubt, but why? I am the only person stopping myself, it is all possible if I allow it to be.
I don’t want to be reading this at the end of 2014 and having that feeling of regret and disappointment about myself, that I spent another year doing nothing, it is such a waste of life. At times I see no point in life it all seems so pointless, but why is it? I should be making the most of it and thinking ‘Well today I feel like life is pointless, but tomorrow I might not’ put that mood to one side and carry on living my life as I am here, and I’m not going to feel any better doing nothing and I definitely won’t find the answer to ‘What is the point?’ sitting on my bum moping all day.
So I thought I would write a couple of the main things I want to achieve with in this year, seeing it written down and knowing other people will be reading this and maybe even inspiring other people to do the same might help me, as I don’t want to let my lovely readers down do I? ?
- Get some form of job
- Carry on losing weight (currently lost 3 st)
- Go out more
- Carry on blogging and making my blog grow!
- Keep fighting OCD and get better at it
This may all look like simple easy things, but to me there huge changes, I really need to do this, so if any of you bright sparks have any ideas on ways to keep myself motivated or tips in general, feel free to message me on here, Twitter and Tumblr!
I hope 2014 is going to be YOUR year too, Happy New Year!