Permission To Disobey Your Mental Illness


When you have OCD and you’re going through the daily battle of trying to get better  and trying not to give in to rituals,  it makes you feel so guilty and selfish.  You feel like your just allowing bad things to happen by ignoring your rituals,  you get stuck between what your rational brain or therapist is telling you to do, which is to not give in to OCD, and the OCD side of you which tells your selfish if you ignore your thoughts and rituals because bad things could happen!

 From my personal experience with OCD, I am a big reassurance seeker, so when it came to therapy, I didn’t find it so bad when the professional was telling me it was ok to not do rituals and that it’s the right thing to do, knowing that someone professional had told me that its ok, or that they wanted me not to do such and such ritual, it made me feel so much better I felt less selfish and guilty, like I had permission that its okay to disobey OCD. But of course there’s a point in fighting OCD when there’s not going to be a professional there to tell you ‘its ok to not do such and such a ritual’  or that ‘I want you to not do such and such ritual’  you have to face it alone, which is when I found it the hardest.  I have found giving myself permission to fight OCD very difficult, because thoughts like ‘How can you not do such a small thing (a ritual) when something bad could happen, how selfish of you’  come flooding in accompanied by strong feelings of guilt, anxiety and confusion.

The quote in the picture above has been on my mind a lot lately since I saw it, when I’m struggling and wanting to ask some one for reassurance about whatever it may be I’m doing e.g putting something down and wanting to ask ‘is this ok here?’ I have thought about this and thought of it as getting permission that leaving this ritual is ok and I don’t need to feel selfish, Seeing it written down just seems to help me get my head straight, a reminder to give myself permission to disobey my OCD. You don’t need anyone’s permission to keep fighting OCD, and you definitely do not need OCD’s permission, because it will never allow you to disobey it, you have to find the inner strength to disobey it yourself, regardless of what feelings and thoughts it tries to throw you off track with.  I think printing this quote off and sticking it around your bedroom or house is a good idea, so when your about to do a ritual you can see it and remind yourself you have permission to disobey OCD, think of it as me and everyone else fighting with OCD saying it to you ‘this is your permission’ and use that to comfort you and know you’re not selfish, you’re doing the right thing by giving yourself permission to disobey OCD. The only bit of you that is selfish is the OCD your suffering with,  OCD is selfish for trying to break you and keep you in its trap, but you’re not, the mental illness you and I are suffering with, that’s what’s selfish.

Stay strong, your all beautiful,

Anna ?

1 Comment

  1. January 31, 2014 / 5:07 pm

    hahahah! Such a fan of your picture!

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