Calling all mental health sufferers, who feel as if they are at the end of their tether, and that there is no hope in them ever getting better. (Insert dramatic music) I am here to let you know why this is not true and I have bought PROOF…(myself).
So, I have some pretty big news, I have just got a job!
I haven’t held down a job since I left school and my last job was in 2011. I’d go into a job or a college course and end up quitting because I couldn’t seem to hack it. My brain and body just didn’t seem to cope with normal life, that also goes for going out and having fun to. During school and since leaving school I have suffered with severe debilitating OCD, Anxiety and Depression, check out my OCD Story and Depression Story for a more indepth insight. OCD took over my life, I was suffering with terrifying intrusive thoughts, and had lost all independence due to compulsions. I was at rock bottom. I remember thinking I would never get better, this was my life now. I didn’t see how I’d possibly become OCD free or even manage it, to the point life was bearable.
I had various CBT therapy sessions during this time, and also started medication (Sertraline) an antidepressant which I am still on now. It wasn’t until I found a therapy that worked for me in 2014 that I started to see hope for myself. You can also read about my therapy story to find out more on that. I started to fight OCD and my depression no longer seemed to be a constant black cloud over me. Since having therapy, I have started my blog and started to recover, but a job has been the biggest thing for me and my family, I still needed to achieve. Sometimes I thought I was ready and even had interviews. Other times my OCD seemed to be creeping back in so I was focused on that. Since leaving school I haven’t had much of a social life which means my confidence is pretty low. Suffering with mental health problems can also send your self esteem to its lowest point, this also played a part in my fear of getting a job. I will admit I did get comfortable, I was in my comfort zone and I had got lazy. On top of that I was just terrified of working again and putting myself back out there, after the stress and hurt I went through of quitting, and feeling like a failure after every job.
I can finally say I have a job after 4 years. I am terrified I won’t lie. I have thought about ringing up and saying that I change my mind about accepting the job, but I’m not going to. I will do it this time. I will be successful, it might not be easy and I’m sure there will be days where I struggle but I feel positive and happy, that this is the start of something for me. Which leads me back to there being hope for suffers like myself. I didn’t think I would get to this point whether it be getting a job, living with OCD but managing it or not being completely depressed and never wanting to do anything ever. I had such severe OCD It didn’t seem possible but it is. Am I completely anxiety and OCD free? No definitely not, but I’m not imprisoned by thoughts and compulsions like I was. Which means you reading this or your friend or family member can also get to this point with the right help, support and patience. Please never give up because you can fight this to. I was in your position, I know how it feels. I know you feel like giving up but you can’t. There is hope and there can be freedom.
I can’t tell you when you will recover and I won’t tell you it won’t be hard. You might relapse but that’s okay, because once you’ve got there, it will be worth it and you will see how strong you are.
Keep on fighting,